I have said the same things myself. I said it right here on this very blog last year...and promptly stopped blogging at the end of March. It was easy to write off: I was busy, I had other priorities, who really reads it anyway? It's not like I am Julie Powell over here. I highly doubt there will ever be a movie based on me because of this blog. I mean, I can hope, but I doubt it.
Why did I really stop blogging? Was it just because I figured that I was only talking to myself? I think that may have been it on the surface, but truly, I think it was because I didn't want to admit some things to myself.
My much-delayed and sporadic afghan is the physical manifestation of those things.
Let me explain: when I came up with the wild idea to make a granny square afghan, I was enthusiastic...even gung ho. I made Pinterest boards, I started a Facebook group, I dashed to JoAnn's to purchase scads of skeins. I rushed into making squares based on a vintage pattern from my boyfriend's mom. See this optimistic post about it all!
And there it is: my boyfriend's mom. I had been a wife. And then, I wasn't anymore. I became something else. First, I was alone...single. Then, I was a short-term rebound girl. Then, I was a girlfriend. A girlfriend. And that's all. Living separate lives except when we are together--separate houses, separate pets, separate bank accounts.
I started on the afghan for "our" bed, assuming that we would eventually have one together. Two winters have come (and hopefully are going) since then and no dice. We are still together, yet separate.
So much work. I had completed 100 of the required 113 squares and 28 triangles required. I just stopped working on it. I had given up on my hopes and therefore had given up on what that blanket represented.
But, it was SO MUCH WORK. When I came home from my surgery, I started puttering around, picking up abandoned projects, and deciding what to with them. Some, I just let go. That shawl that I labored over on and off for months? Now, it's a great cat blanket. Embroidery pieces were given up for good. But, the afghan, how could I let all that go?
I decided that it would become something new. It would represent my will to be a maker, an artist, a teacher. It may never grace a common bed, but it will keep me cozy while I am creating new things, hatching new plans, deciding what to keep and what to let go.
PS: what do you think of the changes to the blog? I have re-prioritized and even if I am talking to myself, at least it will be pretty.