In the last 3 1/2 years, I have done a lot of things that scare me: living alone and thriving, starting a new relationship, leaving a job that was making me unhappy, directing harder plays, sharing myself online, and running. I have never been an athletic gal, but the dissolution of my marriage pushed me towards the gym and ultimately, road. I have run countless 5Ks, a few 10Ks, two Boilermakers (15K), and even a half-marathon. If you had asked me 5 years ago if I would do ANY of these things much less ALL of them, I would have definitely said, "Absolutely not!' Tomorrow, one of my closest friends and I begin our 12-week training program for the Empire State Half-Marathon and I am scared. I am more scared than I was before my first ever run.
Why? I have narrowed it to three major factors:
1. My self-confidence: since being under-employed, I have lost what I thought off of my athlete's mind. I now fear since no one wants to hire me, I am not good enough to take on this challenge. My resolution that I could do anything if I trained properly is almost gone.
2. My current physical condition: being home more and depressed about it leads to emotional eating. Being 26 miles from my gym membership doesn't help either. I have put on weight and lost tone...that is never a good place to be. I also desperately need new running shoes, but don't have the salary to purchase them.
3. Fear of hitting the wall: by mile 11 of my last half, I was in pain. My knees ached. I had no energy. It was tough. I had to resort to a walk for a bit. I was upset. Looking back, I did not strengthen my hips and glutes enough, I over carb-loaded, I did not hydrate enough. Knowing that will help me this time. We are following a Hal Higdon training plan and I am reading a great book on race training nutrition.
Look at that girl, she is a happy racer. During the next 12 weeks, I will be working on finding her again...enjoying my training, getting leaner (I hope!), conquering my fear. Wish me luck!
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